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The recipe for outstanding golf? It must be severe jetlag, a night of no sleep and the backdrop of one of the world’s most outstanding golf venues.
Mrs W began her round on Royal Melbourne’s East Course with a 25ft downhill putt, a birdie, nett albatross and a near chip-in on the first three holes.
This was after our host had warned the opening six holes are among the toughest in golf and I had played to script by starting with two blobs.
Australia had been on Mrs W’s bucket list for decades and within 12 hours of arriving Down Under we were drinking coffee in the beautiful modern clubhouse overlooking the East’s 18th hole.
We were lucky to be hosted by a longstanding member who gave us a wonderful insight into the course that provides six of the holes for the fabled composite Royal Melbourne track used in major events such as the Presidents Cup.
The opening four holes of the East demonstrate its wonderful variety and show off its hallmark bunkering and swirling greens.
The first is a short par-four with a blind tee shot which should be aimed left centre to avoid a dramatic sequence of traps and allow the best approach to a green that falls back to front.
It would not be the last time that I would find myself pin-high and in sand and then taking more than two putts.
Mrs W’s clip from the back of the green seemed destined to fly back down the fairway but rattled into the hole.
A common feature of the East are corners which would be cut off the tee by top players but have isolated trees in the distance that mark the line for lesser mortals.
This is the case with the long par-four second which is a five for women and which Mrs W so handsomely birdied. Meanwhile, I was confounded by the pace of greens that were slower than usual because of recent rain.
The first three holes are all part of the back nine of the Composite course – with the third – a beautiful bending par-four almost yielding the chip-in birdie for the joyous Mrs W while I hooked my drive into the undergrowth.
Having read myriad tales of the dangers of golf in Australia we asked our host whether we should dare to look for such misfires.
This prompted a series of mind-blowing stories of spiders and snakes but he did assure us that Royal Melbourne was safe territory.
However, it was certainly not a wildlife free zone. Amid the eucalyptus and gum trees came a cacophony of sound from parrots, parakeets, Mynah birds, and magpies among this ornithologist’s heaven.
It felt as if they and the giant crows were laughing at my strife as I tried to create a round worthy of the venue.
Thankfully, I was jolted into life at the gorgeous uphill par-three fourth which curves to the left inside menacing traps.
A pleasing drive arched towards the pin although a three-putt followed as inevitably as our host’s quality par and Mrs W’s impressive chip towards the flag from off the green.
A road is crossed to the fifth – another lovely short par-four with a blind tee shot over waste and rough before a green entrance pincered by bunkers. The trick on this and many of the East’s holes is to select a club that will hit long to avoid trouble.
Our host told us that relief would come after those daunting opening six with flatter wider holes from then on.
They begin back over the road with the par-five seventh where straight drives will be rewarded but leaks to the right or left will find trees.
The ball then needs to be steered down the left, avoiding multiple bunkers to set up a straightforward-ish chip into the green. Apparently, the pros look to hit this in two but they play a rather different sport to ours.
The ninth green was the East’s most fiendish and I watched in dismay as I putted for birdie on this curving par-four only to see my ball sweep across the undulations into the right-hand bunker. A sand-save for bogey had not been in my mind.
Strategy is key to success on the par-five tenth where bunkers and trees await those who leak drives to the right.
A sensible tactic is to lay-up before the five huge bunkers in front of a dramatic two-tier green.
The East’s par-threes are outstanding and include the 150-yard 13th where precision is required to find the gap between the giant traps that await short, right and left.
While we were playing the hole, our host pointed out how the greens staff literally burn rough to control it. That must be an incredible sight.
The finale is one of golf’s most memorable with the 16th, 17th and 18th all being part of the Composite course.
The prelude is the 15th, another gorgeous short par-four alongside the road, demanding a steer down the left before a short approach.
Nine-iron in hand, I laughed as the bird song was louder than ever, prompting a pull into a greenside bunker.
The 16th is the famous par-three into a slippery green surrounded by vast sand traps. It would have seemed rude not to have a full appreciation so I delivered my ball into my umpteenth bunker.
The 17th and 18th are opportunities to open the shoulders.
The former is a long, bending par-five which demands a couple of big crunches before a green which welcomes from the left and can cause sandy consternation on the right.
Meanwhile, the 18th has one of the widest fairways I have ever seen but I contrived to miss it left.
However, I was not going to allow the clubhouse onlookers to feast on my failure, so after a lay-up, I floated a nine-iron over the bunkers to 10 feet and completed a rare par.
The East is more than a mere hors d’oeuvre before playing the more acclaimed West at Royal Melbourne.
It is a course which features in several world top 100 lists in its own right and understandably so.
We enjoyed it enormously.
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